Many moms feel burnt out and stressed by the daily demands of raising children. Leah from La Cora Yoga sits down with parenting coach Crystal to discuss how to find calm in the chaos. This conversation focuses on the idea that parenting is not just about managing a child’s behaviour. Instead, it is about the parent’s own growth and healing. By understanding your own mind and body, you can create a deeper bond with your kids and stop the cycle of reactive parenting.
Understanding the Role of a Parenting Coach
Many people confuse life coaching with therapy. Crystal is a certified life coach with a background in psychology. She explains that there are clear differences between these two types of support.
Therapy often looks at the past. It helps people who struggle with daily tasks due to deep trauma. A therapist helps a person get to a point where they can function normally again.
Life coaching is more about the future. It is for people who are doing okay but want to improve their lives. Crystal helps parents who want healthy, strong relationships with their kids. She uses mindset tools to help parents stay calm and connected.
Why True Self-Care Happens in Your Mind
Moms often think self-care is a luxury. They think it requires a lot of money or hours away from the family. They might think of bubble baths or getting their nails done. Crystal teaches that **true self-care is how you treat yourself in your brain.
It is about the way you talk to yourself when things go wrong. Most moms are very hard on themselves. They say things to themselves that they would never say to their own children. This negative self-talk leads to burnout and resentment.
To change this, try these steps:
- Notice your thoughts. Listen to the voice in your head when you make a mistake.
- Use the “Little Girl” trick. Imagine a photo of yourself as a child. Speak to yourself with the same kindness you would show that little girl.
- Take care of yourself because you are worthy. Do not do it just to be a “better mom.” You deserve care simply because you exist.
Healing Your Own Past to Parent Better
Many parenting struggles come from “Little T” trauma. This is not always a big, scary event. It can be any time you felt unheard or ignored as a child. If your parents yelled at you or sent you to your room when you were sad, you learned that big emotions are bad.
As an adult, these old wounds become **triggers**. When your child has a tantrum, it might make you feel angry or ashamed. This happens because a part of you still feels that old pain.
Healing these wounds is the real work of parenting. When you heal your own heart, you do not have to try so hard to be a “gentle parent.” It starts to happen naturally. You stop seeing your child’s behavior as a personal attack. You start to see it as a sign that they need help.
Breaking the Cycle of Traditional Parenting
For many years, people believed kids should be “seen and not heard.” Parents expected children to obey every order right away. If they did not, they were punished. Crystal says this is changing.
Modern parenting is moving toward **connection and attachment**. This does not mean there are no rules. It means you set boundaries with love. Instead of just stopping a bad behavior, you look for the reason behind it.
You might hear others judge your parenting. They might say you are “letting them get away with it.” If those comments hurt, it is a sign of a trigger. When you feel confident in your choices, those comments will not bother you as much.
How to Manage Triggers in the Moment
When your child is acting out, your brain wants to match their energy. If they are screaming, you want to scream. This is a natural reaction, but it does not help. You cannot help a child calm down if you are also upset.
Try these tools to stay calm:
- The Pause. Do not say anything right away. Give yourself a few seconds to breathe.
- Deep Breathing. Focus on your breath. Inhale through your nose and exhale slowly through your mouth.
- Nostril Breathing. Leah suggests blocking your right nostril. Breathe only through the left side. This helps cool down your body and mind.
- Step Away. If you are too angry, make sure your child is safe and walk into another room. Come back when you can speak calmly.
The goal is to move from your “emotional brain” to your “logical brain.” You can only solve problems when you are thinking clearly.
The Power of Co-Regulation
Children do not know how to calm themselves down. They have to learn it from you. This is called **co-regulation**.
If you stay calm while your child is upset, they will eventually match your calm energy. If you get angry, they will stay upset longer. You are the anchor for their emotions.
Think of it like a 90/10 rule. Ninety percent of the work is you staying regulated. Only ten percent is actually teaching the child a lesson. Your kids learn more from who you are than from what you say.
Helping Kids with Sleep and Weaning
Many moms worry when their toddlers do not sleep through the night. Society tells us that kids “should” sleep alone by a certain age. Crystal reminds us that **sleep is developmental**.
Every child is different. Some kids do not sleep through the night until they are five or six years old. This is often because they need connection. When kids close their eyes, they feel separated from you. That can be scary for them.
If your child wakes up at night, they are likely looking for safety. You can help by:
- 1. **Lowering your expectations.** Stop comparing your child to others.
- 2. **Focusing on connection.** Spend extra time cuddling before bed.
- 3. **Sharing the load.** If you have a partner, take turns waking up so you can get some rest.
When it comes to weaning from the breast, it is a personal choice. There is no “right” time. Trust your own gut. If you feel ready to stop, do it with love and connection. Your child might be upset, but you can support them through those feelings.
Building Your Parental Intuition
There are too many parenting books and experts. They often give different advice. This makes moms feel confused and powerless. Crystal says you have the answers inside you. This is called **parental intuition**.
When you think “I don’t know what to do,” your brain stops looking for a solution. Instead, try telling yourself, “I am learning how to handle this.” This opens your mind to new ideas.
You know your child better than any scientist or doctor. When you are calm and connected to yourself, you will know what your child needs. It takes practice to trust yourself, but it is a muscle you can build.
Moving Toward a Healthier Home
Parenting is the hardest job you will ever do. It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to need a break. Building a “village” of friends and neighbors is vital. Humans are meant to live in groups and help each other.
If you want to change your family life, start with yourself. Work on your own mindset. Find ways to connect with your body, like through yoga or simple breathing. When you feel better, your whole family will feel better.
You can learn more by visiting [The Parenting Coach on Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/the.parenting.coach). Crystal also hosts the Freedom Moms podcast. She shares stories about how to use radical connection to change your home. Leah also offers a flexibility challenge starting June 13 to help moms connect their mind and body.
Better Parenting Starts with You
You do not have to be a perfect parent. There is no such thing as a perfect parent. The goal is to be a **connected parent**. This means you show up for your kids, even when things are messy. It means you apologize when you make a mistake.
When you focus on your own healing, you give your children a great gift. They will not have to heal from as many wounds when they grow up. You are breaking cycles that have lasted for many years. Keep breathing, keep connecting, and trust your heart. You are the best person to lead your family.